Tom Blake - Men seeking love
Friday, February 7, 2003
Men, seeking women, sound off
By TOM BLAKE
Special to the Register
Finding a compatible mate is also difficult for men. It's usually women who comment that finding a compatible partner at middle age is
difficult.
But lately, middle-age men have echoed similar statements, particularly after my last column, in which I wrote that singles functions are difficult
places for women to meet men because the ratios can be so out of kilter (as much as 10-to-1, women to men).
Martin of Stanton e-mailed: "I'm a 55-year-old single. We are told we can meet someone anywhere: reunions, weddings, grocery stores,
Laundromats, classes, bookstores and church are hit or miss. Even personal Internet ads don't work because the lady you see probably isn't the lady you get.
"Although I have been involuntarily single for too long, I still believe somewhere out there is my lady. And I look forward to the day I find her. Until then, I will
keep looking. I've tried many of the things you recommended and many of them don't work."
Martin says he has joined a dating service to aid in his search. I told Martin that finding a compatible mate at our age is a numbers game. Singles need
to keep getting out and meeting new people. While many places may not yield a mate, it only takes one.
A plus for Martin: He believes he'll find a partner.
Al, 54, of Anaheim wants to know: "How does an average-looking guy like me compete? Where are the average women?
"In every group I join, there are always five to 10 (sometimes more) men to women. Even at church, there are more older men than older women. I don't
care what women do, they can wait tables, cashier, etc. I just want to find a nice, gentle, intelligent, plain-looking woman to spend my life with. Where are
they? Help me please."
Richard, 51, of Huntington Beach says he's in great shape, works out regularly, is nice looking, a good dresser, educated and owns a home.
He says he has a tough time meeting women because he's an engineer and works only with men.
"All I meet are women who've been married twice and molly-coddle their age-23 to -30 kids at home and who have a number of women friends they do
Nordstrom with each week. Men are not in their mainstream."
I suggested Richard expand his search to places where he'll meet women who aren't shopping at expensive stores. Where?
That's up to him; perhaps he needs some outside-of- work interests where he'll meet single women.
And it's not just Orange County men who find meeting single women difficult. Mike of North Adams, Mass., e-mailed:
"In your Jan. 24 column, RE: Suzy Olson's comment (few 55+ men @ church) – would she like to switch places with me? In my church, I can't find
single women in my age group. They all seem to be a bit older. Like Social Security-collecting older."
Sid e-mailed from Naples, Fla.: "I've never married, have no children, and can put a woman first. I'm looking for a woman who will do the same. I've been in
relationships where the kids come first, the job second and the relationship third. When one slips down the priority list, it's time to say adios."
Joe of Dana Point had this advice for men looking for partners. "We have to get ourselves together before we subject ourselves to another person. With inner
strength, we learn patience, understanding and consideration of others. It took me a long time and two marriages to come to grips with working on myself."
Joe's advice panned out for him, "I'm engaged to a wonderful woman," he said.
In seeking compatible mates, the same guidelines apply to men as to women.
Singles need to be out with people and enjoying the pursuit of life. Along the way, perhaps they'll meet somebody, perhaps not. But, their chances will be
far greater than just sitting at home and wondering.
READER COMMENTS
Robin, Buena Park: "Smoking is not only uncomfortable for me to be around, but I'm allergic and can end up having an asthma attack, a life-threatening
problem. So I find those people (pro-smoking) who have a chip on their shoulder rather boorish.
"The comment from the gentleman from Huntington Beach makes me wonder what incident set him off against 'state-sponsored bullying.' I bet there's more to
the story than he's telling."
Joe, Los Angeles: "My experience is that Valentine's Day is second only to New Year's Eve as "relationship-enders." Couples focus on their
relationships, and a lot won't survive the enhanced scrutiny." Response: But, Joe, think of all of the weddings that take place on Valentine's.
DATING RESOURCES
Mary Pat Wylie, Ph.D., of Irvine is teaching a seminar called "Inner Journey to Your Ideal Partner" on Feb. 11. Call (949) 509-6552 for
information, or go to www.WylieRelationshipSystems.com
Christine Stieber, Fullerton: "There are many more men using the Internet for dating, and
it would be better balanced if there were more women. I teach women how to
successfully use the Internet for dating." Call Christine at (714) 792-0115 or
e-mail her at cstpd@aol.com for information.
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