Tom Blake - Men offer dating tips to women. Are they worth anything?
Single men’s advice to single women
“Are there many men out there 35-40 years old who do not view a woman as a “ball and chain” or ‘relationship’ as a dirty word?” e-mailed Gina, of Long
Beach, a single 37-year-old mother of two.
Most single men and women over 35 have experienced the frustrations and realities of dating after divorce. Not all men in that category avoid another
relationship. They do, however, offer advice to single women seeking relationships.
Here are nine items men have have recently shared.
1. Meeting men is difficult if women are glued to the couch. By getting out among people, women dramatically increase their chances of meeting a
guy 2. Pursuing activities and interests one enjoys is more important than going out solely to meet a mate. People usually meet the person of their
dreams when they aren’t looking, not when they are. For Gina, Parents Without Partners (714 441-1682, three Orange County chapters) might be a good
group
3. Singles may need to look beyond where they live to meet someone. The Internet, with some 250 date-matching sites, provides that opportunity.
But it’s a high-risk, high-potential-return place to play the singles game. When dealing with strangers--and not just on the Internet—women especially must be cautious
because mixed in with the honorable men are others with evil intentions
4. Men say it’s acceptable to them if women are more dating assertive: asking, planning and paying for certain dates. Some women hand out “name
cards,” which make it easier for men to contact them. Cards shouldn’t reveal a woman’s phone number or where she lives or works. The cards might
only contain an untraceable e-mail address from a free site like hotmail.com.
5. Women need to be approachable to increase their chances of meeting men. The common thread of approachability is friendliness. A warm smile might
convince a shy guy to say hello. 6. Singles of both sexes need to have “realistic expectations.” Finding someone whose values and standards match--a
good companion-- is more important than how someone looks
7. Men advise women to avoid seeking younger men (this is not a misprint). It’s better for singles to hook up with someone who thinks as young as
they think and has shared values. That could be an older man
8. Singles want honesty. Dishonest singles who misrepresent themselves—on the Internet and elsewhere—waste everybody’s time. Being honest up front
leads to more productive pursuits 9. Men say that group events and reunions are better places for women to meet potential mates than at singles functions,
where the ratio of single women to single men can be four or five to one. Parties where invited guests are half women and half men level the odds
Remember, Gina, when you venture out, leave that ball and chain at home. You’ll probably meet a single guy at the first traffic light. Hand him a “name card”
and say “E-mail me.”
READER COMMENTS AND TOM’S RESPONSES:
Mary, San Clemente: “Re: your column on commingling funds. Separate funds allow both parties to maintain control. Response: Most readers felt keeping
funds separate in second and third marriages is wisest.
Mary, Huntington Beach: “How can you prevent commingling in a community property state?” The wisest thing is to consult a good family law lawyer.
Janice, Fullerton: “Do you happen to know where a single lady can meet a single man without attending a singles dance?” Response: The above items
listed in this column should give you some good ideas.
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