Man desperate for love
Take it to the limit
BLAKE: South County adviser on middle-age relationships
By TOM BLAKE
For The Register's South County Weekly Newspapers
In nine years of writing this column,
I've heard some bizarre stories.
This one ranks up there with the best of them.
Last October, Stacey, Laguna Niguel, e-mailed, "Six months after my divorce (married 20 years), I received an e-mail from John, a former high
school classmate, who had found me on ClassMates.com. He said he had been looking for me for many years and had been in love with me since we were
16, and kept my high school picture through all four of his marriages."
Stacey said she was lonely and enjoyed John's attention; he sent flowers and cards and telephoned often.
"After three months, I went to the Midwest to 'meet' him again after 38 years. I had a wonderful time and we seemed to have so much in common. My
friends cautioned me about slowing down, as did his mother when I was there.
"A few months passed and I returned to see him. The magic was wearing off and reality setting in -- for me, not him. I put the brakes on; he claimed
unconditional love and said he would wait forever. We hadn't even dated in high school."
Stacey found out that before John had contacted her, he had contacted Stacey's high school girlfriend, also via
ClassMates.com.
And within three weeks, John and Stacey's girlfriend got married. Stacey says, "Two weeks later, they couldn't stand the sight of each other and
were divorced in a few months."
Stacey added, "I'm a soft-hearted, sentimental person who has always believed in happy endings, but (with John), I stayed at the ball too long
and my carriage turned into a pumpkin. He's giving me two years to decide whether I want more from him than friendship. I feel bad, he's sensitive
and kind."
Sounds like another relationship where one person cares more than the other. Usually, they just fizzle out. But not this one.
On Dec. 19, Stacy wrote: "You won't believe this. John called last week. He wanted me to promise that if he was diagnosed with a terminal illness,
I would marry him so he could get his final wish of having me for his wife.
In return, I could collect his two pensions, plus $100,000 in life insurance, as long as I promised I'd never marry again.
"My friends say that if he's that co-dependent and pathetic, I should go for it, but make sure I see the diagnosis and have a second opinion and a
pre-nuptial to protect me in case a 'miracle' happens and he recovers. This scheme of his to marry me is too funny."
Even Stacey's 85-year-old father thinks she should go for it, but only on one condition: that John's at death's door.
Stacey asked for my thoughts.
Egad, if my Michigan high school classmates read this story, they'll think I've lost my marbles. They already think Southern Californians spend half of our lives
sipping champagne in hot tubs.
Stacey told John she wouldn't be a part of his life nor of his latest idea.
She's not sure she's heard the last from him. "With John, you never know
what he'll dream up next."
Whatever happened to good old-fashioned, uncomplicated love?
Weekly comments:
Margorie, Laguna Niguel: "I've read you for years. About your ex-wives and dogs. It's fun. I like the stories." Response: I imagine
you'll like this one today. I still can't believe it. Sometimes, I got the dogs and ex-wives confused.
To comment on Middle Age Relationships, e-mail
TPBlake@aol.com or write
P.O. Box 442, Dana Point, CA, 92629. Please include your full name and
city of residence
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