Long Distance Relationships Abound
By TOM BLAKE
Special to the Register

I'm amazed at the number of Orange County singles involved in long-distance relationships. Most but not all meet on the Internet, where finding singles in other parts of the country is easy.

Several singles shared their long-distance relationship experiences and thoughts. Gordon Walker of Anaheim corresponded with a Scottish woman named Anne. When Anne came to the United States to live with Gordon, they had never met. Gordon says: Long-distance romances can work if you're honest during the correspondence phase. Now, 56 years, five children, 10 grandchildren and three great grandchildren later, we are still happily married. They met during World War II.

In July I wrote about Mary from Modesto, who used the Internet to meet an Orange County man. Over time they established trust and promised to build a life together.

I gave up my job, my two beautiful cats, an apartment and a lot of friends, Mary said. Two weeks after she moved in, Mary found out he was corresponding with other women and confronted him. He threw her out on the spot. Mary says: It took me nine months to rebuild my life. Don't trust what someone says online. If they're so good, why are they looking out of their area for someone? I saw no red flags, because all seemed so normal.

Patrick of Laguna Beach says: Long-distance relationships work well for people who don't want to get too close and only want a limited commitment. If one party has to move, a new dynamic of having to fit it in comes into play. For long-distance relationships to work, one of the parties will have to move, and that's a huge consideration.

Giselle, 61, of New Orleans, divorced four years, says: Visiting for a few days or going on trips together is no substitute for staying a minimum of a week in the home of the person where you'll be moving. Skip the fancy dinners and parties during that time and do day-to-day stuff. If the man is still working, he shouldn't take work off. That will show what you'll cope with. I fell in love with an image. Instead, I got a man who lost his temper and was frugal to the point of insanity.

Mary of San Clemente says: Long-distance relationships cloud reality. You spend so little time together that you overlook a lot. That works until you make it permanent, and then all the things that were previously hinted at, manifest.

Monica, 36, considers herself to be the queen of long-distance relationships. Three years ago she met Greg on the Internet and moved from Mission Viejo to Gulf Shores, Fla. Monica shared her advice:

Try to meet in person within a month so you won't invest a lot of time, money and emotions into someone who may not be right for you. Face-to-face chemistry is unpredictable and often doesn't materialize

Before moving spend several weeks with the person at different times of the year and meet and spend quality time with his family, friends and children.

When you initially meet, have a backup plan to stay at a hotel or return home sooner. And when you move, have another backup plan in case the move doesn't work out. Make sure you can return to your old life if you need to. Don't join assets until you're in a committed relationship.

Don't be in a long-distance relationship with someone you can't trust. Always wondering if he's telling you the truth will drive you nuts.

Try not to go weeks without spending time together. People can change in that amount of time, and you may not be able to recognize the change via the phone or computer.

If you decide to move, discuss expectations beforehand.

Most long-distance relationships don't work out. Monica and Greg are the exception; they're married and have a child. If people follow Monica's advice, are honest and move slowly, they'll improve their chances of ending up together.

Social activities for singles: I'll be speaking at the Corona Public Library, 650 S. Main St., at 7 p.m. Nov. 7. Topic: Important tips you need to know about middle-age dating. Public invited.

From M.P. Wylie of Irvine: Inside Edge, a breakfast group for people interested in professional and personal growth, meets every Wednesday, 6:30 to 8:30 a.m. at the University Club in Irvine. Not a singles group as such, but many quality singles attend. Check www.insideedge.org for info and reservations.

The Orange County Council on Aging is sponsoring a free conference for seniors and caregivers on Nov. 14 at Saddleback Church, Lake Forest, 8:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m. Reservations required. (714) 567-7500. I will be speaking on dating for seniors at 11 a.m.

The Catholic Singles Network is sponsoring a cruise Nov. 8-11, Long Beach to Mexico. Call Lauri Bell at (909) 399-0621 or e-mail SODPLauri@cs.com for info.

Golf for singles. Call Jim Hailey, (714) 590-9009 or e-mail golf4singles@earthlink.net Two to four golf outings per month at different 18-hole golf courses.