|
Finding love after 50. The website for middle aged singles and senior singles, providing information and dating advice for middle age dating and senior dating.
This column's topic: In dating, who should conduct the hunt, what should the challenge be and who should be captured?
The Hunt, The Challenge and The Capture
A woman named Anne raised a question about this sentence: "No longer is a woman expected to wait for the man to make the first move," which appeared in a recent
column.
Anne said: "I'm aware that a woman should show interest with a smile and a little flirting. I don't feel women should alter their behavior because there are
more women than men. When a woman pursues a man, it feeds his ego, but it's just temporary as he eventually loses interest in her."
Anne concluded: "In my experience, as well as my observations of others, the relationships that last are those in which men are challenged, hunt, and then
'capture' a woman's heart. How about some input?"
I hope people dating later in life-the second time around-are mature enough that they don't have to get into the challenge, hunt and capture game.
Dating can be simple. Two adults meet (regardless of which person said hello first), they like what they see, they get together. If each enjoys the other, they
see each other more. If not, they move on.
If a woman enjoys a man, it's okay for her to tell him she'd like to see him again. If the man takes that as not enough of a challenge, or as a triumph, he's likely
to be more into hunt and conquest, and less
into a relationship. Walk away.
If a woman approached me, and said she'd like to have coffee, I'd appreciate her initiative and interest. I'm involved, so I would decline graciously.
A single man should be receptive to a woman's initiative. She might turn out to be the love he's hoped for, and had she not asked, perhaps they wouldn't have
met.
Anne feels relationships that last are the ones where the men hunt, which I guess means the ones that don't last are where women have initiated the contact.
That puts the value on who pursued whom, and discounts factors such as compatibility, caring, respect, and loyalty--qualities that make for a rich relationship.
I think Anne's assumption is wrong. The world is full of stories where the man pursued the woman, captured her heart, and then left to look for his next conquest.
Lasting relationships should have nothing to do with which person pursued.
Women's roles have changed at home and in the workplace. Women seeking to get ahead in business don't wait around to be captured. They take matters
into their own hands and make it happen. Why shouldn't their roles change in the dating arena as well?
This has nothing to do with there being more single women than men, even though, if I were a single woman, I would be aware of that statistic, and believe
me, most are.
Some women still want courtship like the old days--to be a challenge, and then pursued, and finally won over. That's their choice, but they may miss an
important opportunity to meet a person with whom they'd match up well.
I'm suggesting women be more assertive (note: I'm avoiding the word "aggressive"), which may mean making the first move.
| 