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Honesty and dating. How important? Author and columnist Tom Blake provides dating information and advice for widowers, widows, divorced men,
divorced women, middle-aged singles boomer singles and senior singles who are dating again and hope to meet a mate.
Honesty in 'advertising' might be detrimental
by Tom Blake
For The Register's South County Weekly Newspapers
May 13, 2004
I've always been an advocate of honesty in middle-age dating. Until now.
Recently, I've received e-mails where singles have asked if they should be honest in their initial contact with other singles.
And this week, an e-mail came with this headline: "Honesty Not Recommended for Finding Online Love." It was a press release for the International
Internet Dating Convention, May 28-29 in San Francisco, sent by Rich Gosse, San Rafael, on whom I wrote a story when he ran for governor as the "singles candidate."
In his press release, Gosse quoted Evan March Katz, author of a dating book: "There's an arbitrary cutoff point on ages on all the dating Web sites. If women
are honest about their age, they often get very little response." Katz, a keynote speaker at the convention, suggests at times dishonesty may be a wise tactic for singles.
Gail e-mailed from Virginia, "I checked out a profile of a man older than me by a few years who answered all the questions about what he was looking for in a
mate: body type, income, education, height, etc. He was 50 and looking for someone 25-45. I was infuriated that he didn't care about anything else as long as she was five to
25 years younger.
"I told this story to a woman I met at a party who had met and fallen in love with a man through an Internet site. She decided to lie about her age by a few years,
and suggested I do the same, saying I could easily pass for five years younger. The man she was with didn't know her true age nor didn't seem to care. Turns out she is six years older than he. What do you think about 'fibbing' about your age in a personal ad?"
Claudette, Mass., says one of her interests is reading bios of senior singles from across the country. "Disabilities are never mentioned. Not even osteoarthritis, common in many of us. I don't think seniors should let a disability get in their way of reaching out to others and dating.
"The reason folks don't indicate any health problems is they fear scaring prospects away. I sense they go to the other extreme, senior hyperbole. Truth in
advertising comes to mind, on a humorous note."
Sara of Orange County related her experience.
"I have HPV, a sexually transmitted disease that is a cancer threat and causes venereal warts. The strain I have doesn't manifest itself in the male.
"I'm an outgoing, hugging, loving, caring and smiling person, but a leper in disguise. I feel that dating or trying to find someone to grow old with is wrong.
How many guys would be interested in me?"
Should Sara meet a guy and wait to explain her medical condition?
Whether people should be initially dishonest about their age or medical situation is a personal decision. Sooner or later, the secret's going to be exposed.
By then, maybe the mates they've met will be so enthralled with them that their "little white fibs" won't matter.
What's your opinion?
Weekly comments
Note from Tom: An older married couple came into my Dana Point deli. I noticed them watching me as I scurried around during a lunch rush. Then, the wife
said, "Are you Tom Blake who writes the column?" Turns out the McCulleys of San Clemente are my neighbor and had just stopped in for a sandwich.
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