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Finding love after 50. The website for middle aged singles and senior singles, providing information and dating advice for middle age dating and senior
dating--for widows, divorcees, divorced men and widowers - answering their questions about dating after divorce, finding love, living together, dating younger women,
dating younger men, dating after divorce, senior sex, middle age sex, where to meet men, remarriage and hundreds of other topics concerning middle age relationships
and senior relationships.
Giving Too Much in a Relationship
By TOM BLAKE
For The Register's South County Weekly Newspapers
Marline Adams of Dana Point is a bright, intelligent and attractive woman. She's a published writer; I've seen her articles. Marline responded to my recent
columns about couples sharing expenses.
"I've been paying more than half of EVERYTHING (and always have) with my current dating partner of several months and he still complains -- vacations,
meals, etc. He NEVER offers to pay for daughter-in-law, not even on a special occasion, not even a birthday gift. He and I live about an hour apart and I do more than half of
the driving. I know, I know, the problem is me and my choice."
I said to Marline, "I can't imagine a fine woman such as yourself doing more than your share of driving to a man's house or having to pay more than half of
the expenses."
She replied, "Some of us get so caught up in the things we 'think' we have in common with someone that we justify going way out of our way to 'do our fair
share.' Many women -- myself included -- have a tendency to plan, pay, drive, help, share and repair relationships; some people take advantage of that. Many men must feel
that way too."
Marline added that she's a high energy person and supercharges that energy and passion into relationships. "When one is a positive person, he or she
will overlook some negative points and only see 'the good in someone.'
"Many are so excited about the initial attraction, sizzle, chemistry, things in common, so glad they finally met someone, they overlook obvious possible
problems."
Marline says she's learned to ask herself, "What could possibly be wrong in this new/next situation? Being a little negative at the beginning of a relationship
may prevent future problems.
Marline's comments raise valuable considerations for singles who meet someone.
Don't let loneliness cloud your judgment. Don't be so happy that someone has finally entered your life that you compromise your principles.
Don't let initial chemistry be the only or dominant reason why you get involved. When that wears off -- and it will -- what else does your new
mate bring to the table? Is he kind? Does he treat you with respect? Does he share expenses, caring and the workload?
Don't get involved when you know it's wrong for you or throw caution to the wind, thinking -- at my age -- what have I got to lose?
When beginning a relationship, do so cautiously. When we open our hearts, there's always risk. Some people haven't dated in 30 years, but that's no
excuse to be gullible or naïve. Keep one foot on the ground while floating on cloud nine. Relationships require give and take of both people. If you let things get too out of
balance at the start, it's hard to change later.
Weekly comments
Ron, Laguna Niguel: "Just a comment on the title of your book, 'Finding Love After 50.' If it takes 50, go for it. One never knows, that 51st or 52nd person
could be the one!"
Response: Yup, finding the right person is a numbers game. But dating 50 people to find love is an arduous task.
Pat, Tustin: "I've been a widow for 5½ years. I went to a widow and widowers party and met a lot of people -- mostly women. Then I went to church and
saw one of the men who had been at the party. We've been going steady ever since."
Response: Getting out with people is the best way to meet someone.
Special Tribute: I had the pleasure to know Johnny Cash and was deeply saddened by his passing. I've written a tribute to him on my Web site,
www.findingloveafter50.com -- click on "Tom's tribute to Johnny Cash."
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