Tom Blake - Finding Love After 50 website

Finding love after 50. The website for middle aged singles and senior singles, providing information and dating advice for middle age dating and senior dating. This column's topic: Question singles get asked over the holidays about why they are still single and when they're going to get married. Tom provides the answers.


Singles hear dumb statements over the holidays

Ah, it's the holidays again. The time of year when well-intentioned friends and family members ask questions or make comments that remind people that they're "still" single.

The comments usually come during those dreaded cocktail parties, when too many eggnogs fog brains and loosen tongues.

Here are six questions and comments you might hear and suggestions on how to respond.

"Have you found Mr. or Ms. Right yet?" is the favored zinger, which usually comes from Aunt Zelda, after her third cocktail.

When Marty Rexinger of West Hills hears that question, she simply says, "No.

I'm not looking for him."

Mary Morales, Lake Forest, says, "It's never easy to explain singlehood or lack of a 'significant other' or any of those thoughtless remarks nosey people make. However, being a fairly independent lady, this has been and will always be my first response: 'Happy starts with me.'"

With a straight face, Norman Joseph, Hazel Park, Mich., says, "I got divorced for religious differences. She thought she was God and I didn't. And how does one replace God?" Norman's reply usually causes the subject to change.

The next questions, "Why aren't you married?" or "Why are you still single?", are usually asked by people close to us--who feel they can get away with such intrusions--or by people themselves in miserable marriages.

Sharon Ashford of Bloomington, Ind., says her favorite reply comes from the book, "Kiss My Tiara," which is, "I'm dating somebody married, does that count?"

When Carole Gould, Garden Grove, hears either of those two questions, she says she's tempted to reply, "So, why are you still married?"

"Prying questions can be sidestepped with a little humor, a giggle, a twinkle in your eye, it keeps 'em guessing and adds to your mystique," said Carole.

And then there's your dad's business partner--Mr. Robinson--who's at the cocktail party and oiled to the gills. Instead of saying, "Plastics," he whispers, "I've got a year's supply of Viagra --care to share?-if you know what I mean."

When his wife happens by, you casually mention, "Your husband just told me he has a year's supply of Viagra."

The wife says, "He does?"

Comments about, how easy dating must be, suggest to singles that they're doing something wrong or not trying hard enough to meet someone.

"I can't believe women aren't falling at your feet," is what John Mauger, Westminster, hears from friends. John says, "It's easiest to reply, 'I'm having fun,' and leave it at that. That seems to satisfy them."

Janet , of Dallas, added, "People think (available) guys/women are hanging out on every street corner, ha!"

And the ultimate ugly comment, "You aren't getting any younger." usually comes from a relative who isn't exactly a spring chicken herself. In fact, she might look like a dead chicken. Candy , Mission Viejo, says, "Those people inferring that I have the problem, actually have the problem--they need to get a life!"

Amen, Candy. Anyone for another eggnog?

Reader Comments

Nancy and Steve Turner, Dana Point: "My wife and I were surprised to read about your Veteran's Day trip to the Syrah restaurant in Santa Rosa. For my wife's birthday, we are headed to Santa Rosa for another meal at Syrah!"

Response: As you have already experienced, you're in for a treat.

Katrina, Dana Point, "Last week's column was especially touching. You have truly found the secret of life and happiness: true, strong, loving relationships with people."

Response: Once in a while, this column needs to remind us all of the importance of love.

Jack Gallagher, Laguna Niguel: "Volunteers encouraged to help with the Laguna Niguel Holiday Parade on Saturday, December 13, 10:00 a.m. For volunteer info: E-mail Volunteers@LagunaNiguelParade.com.
Telephone: (949) 425-5100

Have a story or comment to share? E-mail Tom at tompblake@gmail.com or write P.O. Box 442, Dana Point, 92629. Include your full name and city.
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