Dating is difficult
everywhere--even in Kansas
The dating game is tough all over
By TOM BLAKE
For The Register's South County Weekly Newspapers
Oct. 24, 2002
We know middle-age dating is a challenge in Orange County, but it’s also a challenge in other parts of the country.
Jodi, age 50, of Lawrence, Kan., e-mailed, "Although I’ve had lots of dates, nothing is going past one or two. I feel like I have been forwarded back to junior high school. What’s up?
"The Internet hasn’t worked, dances haven’t worked, and fix-ups by friends haven’t worked."
Jodi had a date with one man who ruined the evening by talking for two hours about things women do that turn him off.
"There’s no way a woman could spend more than a few minutes with this guy without breaking one of his 'rules.' He was 55 and had never married.
"Do you think any man in his 50s who has never been married could make a good partner?" Jodi asked.
A few months later, Jodi found herself unwittingly at the opposite end of the marriage spectrum. She e-mailed, "Why are there so many over-50 married men cheating on their wives, but act single? I think dating five married men in a year is a little much, actually, a lot much."
I asked if she hung out at the Married Men’s Club in Kansas – if there is such a place – or the local grange. "I am not meeting these men in bars and they are all educated professionals," she said.
Two of the men she met at the Kansas Speedway. One was 20 years younger than Jodi and looked like racecar driver Jeff Gordon. "He was in town for the race – and maybe the chase!" she said. "How can ladies make sure a man isn’t married?
"Some use the ploy of being separated or in the process of divorce. Sometimes the obvious red flags aren’t there and people do become attracted quickly. What’s a lady to do besides hiring a private investigator?" she asked.
Wow, and we thought dating was a challenge for single women in south county. The first thing she needs to do is change where she’s meeting men. Are there tea dances in Kansas, Toto?
If a man says, "I’m still technically married, but …," Jodi needs to excuse herself from the table and leave through the nearest exit (or gate, if she’s at the racetrack).
Regarding Jodi’s question, about a never-married man making a good partner, that’s a red flag also. But, maybe the guy’s smarter than the rest of us for never having married.
Jodi needs to focus on men somewhere in between being married and having never been married – a good old divorced man.
Where she’ll find one of them is hard to say. Maybe she needs to look across the border in Missouri.
There are a few divorced guys around Orange County also, but the competition for them is already tough enough.
Weekly comments:
Patrick, Laguna Beach: "If a couple dates and works closely together, it sets up an unofficial hierarchy, which is mostly unproductive and can be destructive."
Response: When a woman dates the boss, and is suddenly promoted without merit over more qualified women, office problems begin.
Tina, Long Beach, therapist and author: "The reason so many people date in the workplace – even though it’s often disastrous – is that it’s easy." Response: If either party is married, the stakes are even higher.
Best kept Thursday night secret: CJ’s restaurant in San Clemente. Free entertainment by the Jerry Velasco trio. Music of the 1940s and 1950s. Chef Jeff is a gourmet cook. Next to the Country Inn, enter off Pico and go up the hill. Sunday brunch a winner. Call CJ’s for info. 498-8123.
I saw famed sportswriter John Hall at CJ’s last Thursday. He was inducted into the USC Athletic Hall of Fame on Saturday.
To comment on Middle Age Relationships, e-mail
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