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Finding love after 50. Author and columnist Tom Blake's dating information and advice for widowers, widows, divorced men, divorced women, middle-aged singles boomer singles and senior singles who are dating again and hope to meet a mate.
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Dating After 50 is Difficult
© 2004 by Tom Blake
During my most recent appearance on the Today Show, Matt Lauer's first question was, "Why is dating after 50 so difficult?"
"Some of us haven't had a date in 30 years, we don't know how to begin, where to go or what to do," I said.
Obviously, the reasons why dating is difficult are greater than described in that response. On the Today Show, answers must be brief.
The biggest reason: it's just plain hard to meet other available singles. There isn't a place that I'm aware of in the United States where older singles hang out to meet potential mates.
But, let's say you get by that first major hurdle and meet someone-a friend introduces you, or you sit next to someone on an airplane, or you meet them at work or on the Internet.
Now you face a second challenge. Are you and the new person compatible? Do you share similar values, interests, beliefs and energy levels? And are you attracted to each other?
Can the compatibility you share overcome the baggage each person inevitably drags into the relationship?
When Jean, Orange, was dating in the mid 1990s, she met men with baggage. One took her to Coco's and suggested they share a dinner because that's what he and his deceased wife did. When the man said to Jean, 'There's enough (food) for both of us," she thought he was cheap.
Another guy was twelve years older than Jean. He kept telling her what good shape she was in and how young and attractive she was. When Jean told him she couldn't get involved with him, he got mad and said, "You don't have much time left. After all, you're 62."
There are a couple things singles can do in 2004 to make dating easier. The first is to simply get out and get involved in activities. Jean met her husband square dancing; they've been married five and a half years.
The second thing singles can do is share information that will benefit others who are also dealing with the difficulty and challenges of being single.
I unscientifically estimate that more than 50,000 of you read this column weekly in the nine Orange County Register community papers that carry it. Another 4000 read it online. We don't hear a peep from 99 percent of you. And some of you who e-mail me tidbits or comments do so without signing a name or indicating the city where you live.
And yet, many expect to be entertained or gain information that will help you. But if you're unwilling to share what you've learned about middle age and older dating, how can we help others? It's not like you have to type out a letter, put it in an envelope, add a stamp and take it to the post office. You can simply e-mail me at TPBlake@aol.com.
I want to hear from ten readers who've never contacted me before. Tell us where you go in your area to meet other singles. Or share a juicy dating experience.
None of this wimpy first-name-only stuff. Tell us your full name and city and contribute. We'll provide information that will make dating after 50 easier for everyone. There are 27 million of us in the same singles boat.
Reader Comments
Jan , Atlanta, Ga., "As I approach 57, I realize there are far too many wonderful people who want mates but cannot seem to find them, so many really nice people who still live alone that would be wonderful companions.
"Response: Jan, don't give up. Often love finds us when we least expect it. Hopefully, readers will take heed from the above message and tell us of their successes and failures.
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