Dating dangers. Author and columnist Tom Blake provides dating information and advice for widowers, widows, divorced men, divorced women, middle-aged singles boomer singles and senior singles who are dating again and hope to meet a mate.

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Dating Dangers - Protect Yourself

© 2004 by Tom Blake

Monday, July 19, 2004

Protect your heart, health and pocketbook

By TOM BLAKE
Special to the Register

Many middle-aged people who become single are a bit naïve and gullible. You can't blame them; some haven't dated anyone other than their spouse in 30 or 40 years.

Sadly, some fall into unfortunate situations that, had they known about beforehand, could have been avoided.

If you're an older single, consider the following when dating again:

Protect your heart. It can have a mind of its own. You're lonely and desperate and you want companionship. You miss sharing. You feel empty. You're vulnerable and can easily let your guard down.

One Orange County widow became involved with "a gentleman" who was a con artist, "a pathological liar," she said. She considers herself intelligent, street-smart, well-educated and grounded. A telephone call from the man's aunt revealed his darker side. She found out before major damage was done, but her heart was bruised.

While loneliness is difficult, having your heart broken at our age is worse. Be careful where you allow your heart to lead you. Listen to your brain, gut and instinct. Remember the old adage, "If something sounds too good to be true, it likely is."

Protect your health. With the proliferation of male-enhancement drugs like Viagra, Levitra and Cialis, some older men think they're the king stud and expect sex like dessert after dinner. Judy Fink of AARP in Washington, D.C., says reckless sex can be dangerous: "Remind people about serious health risks from unprotected sex. HIV and AIDS are increasing in people over 50 - heterosexual folks - deciding to become sexually active without testing themselves and their potential partners."

Walk away from sex if you're being rushed. Don't become a statistic. For safe-sex guidelines and HIV risk factors, go to the Centers for Disease Control Web site at www.cdc.gov.

Protect your drink glass. "What?" you ask. "Has this columnist lost his marbles?" One Orange County woman was invited to a Laguna Niguel man's house for dinner. After dining and nice conversation, she woke up nude at 3 a.m. in his bed. He had placed a date-rape drug in her wineglass. Not in a bar, not by stranger, but by a man she trusted and enjoyed.

When you're among strangers having a drink - wine, soda, coffee, fruit juice - don't let your glass or cup out of your sight from the moment the bartender pours it. This is a sad state of affairs, but be aware of the possibility that your drink could be spiked.

Protect your assets. On May 24, the Register ran a front-page story written by Andrew Galvin, "Senior investors fear savings were stolen." Galvin reported that an investment firm in Brea had taken in $144.8 million, mainly from senior investors. Most of it's missing. Bill Miller, La Habra, an 84-year old widower, invested $300,000. He's certain it's gone.

In 1999, a 61-year-old Laguna Niguel man was sent to prison for the third time for financially defrauding women. He'd been married 11 times and has masqueraded as a fireman, race-car driver, contractor and pilot. He could strike again.

Widows are particularly vulnerable. Many are lonely, and their husbands made the financial decisions. Mr. Right comes along, gains a widow's love and trust, and offers to help with finances. If that sounds familiar, have your new beau checked out by a private investigator. Women need to be in control of their money.

One woman co-mingled her funds with her new husband's "to prove her love for him." He kept his assets separate. In the divorce, he got half of her assets and kept all of his. She'll have to struggle the rest of her life.

Older singles should get out and have fun. But, you need to protect yourselves while doing so.

Comments

Anne, Orange: "I'm retired and widowed and have a desire to travel. The single supplement makes touring as a single nearly twice as expensive. My brother is recently retired and his wife didn't want to go to Peru. Guess what? We had a great time. Now, if I can talk him into Africa."

Response: Traveling with someone is usually better than traveling alone, as long as you're compatible.

Rebecca, 77, Connecticut: "People ask why I don't go out to meet men. I went to a widow and widowers group; there were 29 women and one man with a pacemaker, and he was taken."

Response: Tough odds.

CONTACT US: I want to feature 10 O.C. singles age 45-plus who've never written me before on their opinions about dating in O.C. E-mail: TPBlake @aol.com or write P.O. Box 442, Dana Point, CA 92629. Include your full name and city. For a list of activities for O.C.