Finding Love After 50 - Tom Blake - Author Columnist Consultant
Speaker is the authority on finding love after 50.

Chemistry is wanting to make love, one man says. Single women say chemistry is much more than that. Author and columnist Tom Blake provides dating information and advice for widowers, widows, divorced men, divorced women, middle-aged singles boomer singles and senior singles who are dating again and hope to meet a mate.

Chemistry in Romance
© 2004 by Tom Blake

He Said, She Said: What Is Chemistry, Anyway?

By Tom Blake May 25, 2004 If you want to liven up your next singles gathering, ask both the men and women for their definitions of chemistry. You'll find that some things about dating never change.

What Men Say Sharing his thoughts on chemistry, David Hicliff of Anaheim, Calif., didn't mince words: "Women still don't get it. Men are visual creatures, they're hardwired that way. Why do you think fish go after a lure? Because they're visually attracted to it, not because they just want to 'get to know it.'"

"If women are looking for a friendly relationship, they should go to libraries," David continued, "but if they want an intimate relationship, they better pay attention to the lure they're dangling out there."

Over lunch last week, I asked one of my single male riends -- two unmarried women were seated with us -- what chemistry meant to him. "I want to take a woman to bed," he answered without hesitation.



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Both women blinked; one said, "Pass the bread, please."

Ed Hebert of San Francisco was more mellow. "Physical attraction -- i.e., chemistry -- is not the priority it was when I was younger. As you get older, you look for compatibility first; physical attraction is the frosting on the cake."

What Women Say Shirley Budhos of New York City said she finds the word chemistry "loathsome," adding, "Men often use the expression 'chemistry' and I resent it. Somehow, they seem to think they make all of the choices. Love, affection, goodwill, kindness, friendship ... all those things are as important, and that romantic, superficial, instantaneous spark may occur in a different way now that we are seasoned adults."

Jennifer Marks of Orange, Calif., said, "Some men make the mistake of relying solely on physical attraction. Men who've never married or who've had several failed relationships often do this. They reduce 'chemistry' to sex appeal alone. These men go from one short-term, disappointing relationship to another."

"I hate it when someone is looking for 'chemistry,' says Belinda Jarrard, of Tallahassee, Fla. "When a man says 'chemistry,' it means only one thing. You can talk with someone for months on the Internet or the phone, and suddenly when you meet them in person, that special chemistry you had together vanishes."

On the other hand, chemistry is essential to Kathleen Tinch of Aliso Viejo, Calif. "The guy may be rich, handsome, etc., but if you don't click, forget it."

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