You can't hurry love
By TOM BLAKE
For The Register's South County Weekly Newspapers
Loneliness is the biggest drawback to being single.
And because of it, some people make desperate, foolish and major decisions, thinking someone else or a different situation will improve their lives.
Mike Anisman, a former Orange County resident, shared his story. Mike is retired from the Los Angeles Police Department and lives in Clearlake (about two
hours north of San Francisco).
In 1995, Mike tracked down an old buddy he had worked with in the 1970s.
His friend was living in Long Branch, Texas.
Mike said, "We communicated by snail-mail and every Christmas he sent a detailed card with pictures as to what had occurred that year.
"In early 2000, I received a letter from his wife (whom I had not met) informing me he had passed away.
"I sent the obligatory letter back saying , 'anything I can do let me know.'"
Mike and the widow communicated almost daily for a year by e-mail and telephone. They knew some of the same people from law enforcement and both
seemed to be infatuated with each other.
When the widow felt she had healed enough to meet Mike in person, he flew to Shreveport, La., to see her.
Mike said, "After several more meetings and e-mails, we decided to get married. That was 20 months ago."
Mike's daughter gave the couple a wedding in Northern California. They had a one-day honeymoon in Tiburon before flying to Texas to sell her home.
Mike said, "We got there on Sunday night and when we awoke on Monday, she told me I had to leave as she could not 'handle this.'"
So, Mike flew back to California and when he arrived at home, there was a "hysterical" message on his answering machine from his wife, saying she had
made a mistake.
"She had a mover pick up her stuff ($11,000 worth) and I flew back there and we drove here. After four days, she called the movers to turn around and take the
stuff back to Texas. She left," Mike said.
"She came back out here one more time and again, after four days, went back to Texas, but this time, got a 30-day Texas divorce."
Mike said she wasn't in Clearlake long enough to get into counseling.
Several months later in Texas, she got counseling, but Mike said, by then, it was too late for them.
She sent Mike a letter saying her behavior was the result of having to make the decision to have her husband's life support system disconnected.
"Yes I would prefer to be in a committed relationship and yes I would prefer to be married but, BUYER BEWARE," said Mike.
John Gray, in his book, "Mars and Venus Starting Over," discusses the importance of properly healing from the loss of a love before trying to bring someone
new into your heart. Mike's wife wasn't ready.
And Mike's loneliness likely influenced his decision to go through what he did.
Hopefully, both have learned from the experience.
Weekly comments:
Bobbi Atkins, Mission Viejo: "A loving relationship requires a willingness to back off, to let the other person be, to let go of trying to make it turn out the way you
want it to be. It requires a tremendous sense of self in order to love another person. Most of us don't have it. We're looking for another person to supply us with a sense of our
own worth." Response: Important words, I couldn't have expressed them better.
Mary Martin, San Clemente: "The trials and tribulations of travel are an excellent test of the durability of a relationship."
To comment on Middle Age Relationships, e-mail TPBlake@aol.com or write P.O. Box 442, Dana Point, CA, 92629. Please include your full name and
city of residence.
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