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Abusive relationships. Living with abuse and anger is a terrible burden. Author and columnist Tom Blake
provides dating information and advice for widowers, widows, divorced men, divorced women, middle-aged singles boomer singles and senior singles who are
dating again and hope to meet a mate.
Abusive Relationships
Living with Abuse and Anger
Abusive Relationships - Memories of an Angry Mate For The Register's South County Weekly Newspapers
Last Friday night, Greta and I watched "Dateline" hosted by Stone Phillips. The show was about a married Las Vegas couple who disappeared. Foul play was suspected because blood was found and their car was missing. The Las Vegas police eventually solved the case by finding the husband in Orlando, Fla., where he confessed to the murder of his wife. In an interview with "Dateline," the man admitted his guilt. What he did was heinous and he deserved the life sentence he received.
The man explained what triggered the murder. He said his wife had an explosive temper and the night he killed her, she'd been drinking champagne and attacked him with the bottle. He stated she broke his elbow, inflicted physical pain and kept coming at him. The point in telling this story: If you're living with an angry person, you need to take action.
A person's abuse and anger may have little or nothing to do with you. It could be caused by deep-set emotions from childhood or any number of reasons.
The abuse and anger can be triggered by something you're not even aware of. One minute, all's fine. The next, your mate is in your face.
Drinking often accompanies the rage, but not always. You shouldn't allow yourself to be the target of the anger. Get out of the relationship before an event like the one on "Dateline" occurs. Women are usually the victims of abusive relationships, but men can be also.
And it can be verbal as well as physical.
Elton John recorded a song called "Tonight," not the "Tonight" from West Side Story. Elton's version is a hauntingly beautiful piece of music, featuring Elton's electric piano, accompanied by the Melbourne, Australia, and Symphony Orchestra.
The song begins with a simple question: "Tonight, do we have to fight again?" The song continues by hinting that the couple fights often and the singer would just like to drift off to sleep without another incident.
I often listened to that song when I was in a relationship with an angry person. It was a song of hope that things would change and the abuse and anger would subside. But it never did.
Anything could set her off. For two years, I walked on eggshells and danced on Jell-O. It was stressful, dehumanizing and no way to live.
One morning I called 911 from my own home because I sensed that the intense verbal abuse was about to escalate to physical abuse. After that incident, I mustered the guts to end the relationship. Thankfully, nothing like the "Dateline" incident happened.
And then I became involved with the kindest person I've ever met. In six years, we've never raised our voices. We live in peace and harmony, as civilized people deserve to live. As we watched "Dateline," I had flashbacks to my personal experience and gave thanks that my life
changed for the better.
If yours is one of the abusive relationships, don't settle for mental anguish and despair. Seek help and support. Ask your local police for guidance.
You need to find a way out. Tolerating abuse and anger are no way to live.
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