San Diego--AARP national convention is a
great place for singles to meet
Friday, September 27, 2002
By TOM BLAKE Special to the Register
Two weeks ago, I gave a speech at the national AARP convention in San Diego on the topic of dating after 50.
Many readers asked what advice I shared. The speech lasted an hour so I can't include all the details, but here are some of my major points:
Dating at middle age is difficult.
Most middle-age people aren't prepared to venture out. Some haven't had a date in 30 years and don't know what to do or where to go.
Plus there aren't many places for older singles to go where the women don't outnumber the men, usually by a wide margin.
Singles need to get off the couch and out of the house to improve their chances of meeting a potential mate. Some don't want to because it takes
time, energy and money. Staying home is comfortable, but it's also depressing and lonely
When a person's main motivation in life is to meet a mate, and that's the reason they get out of the house, he or she will come off as needy and
desperate, which is a turnoff. Besides, we always hear of people meeting a mate when they aren't looking.
Singles - men and women - need to be approachable. While each person may handle this differently, the common thread of approachability is
friendliness and a smile, and even a shy person can do that.
The Internet and personal ads can be effective mate- seeking tools for older singles. But when meeting strangers, one must be extra careful.
There are many people out there lurking with evil intentions who could take advantage of naïve and unsuspecting singles. Middle-age dating was a hot topic at the convention because so many baby boomers are becoming single.
More than 10,000 people attended the convention and 2,000 were at my speech.
During the question-and- answer period, Yolanda of San Diego asked, "If a man invites a lady to dinner, why wouldn't he pay? After all, he has the pleasure of her company. And if there's some compatibility, wouldn't this be part of the courting?"
Responded, "Yes, the man should pay if he asks a woman out. But if they start dating on a regular basis, she should share in the expenses."
I could tell some women had a problem with that concept.
Later, Tino of Houston e-mailed, "At the AARP convention, there were many pretty single women. At the mixer in the afternoon, some of those ladies did not hesitate to approach unaccompanied men. But the ratio is always against the ladies."
Tino's right, the ratio of single women to single men is a problem, particularly the older we get. But by being more assertive (not aggressive), women can effectively reduce the ratio and improve their chances of meeting a mate.
The AARP convention was a good place for singles – not necessarily as a place to meet other singles, although there were plenty of singles of both
sexes there, and I witnessed some couples hooking up – but as a place to enrich and enhance their lives.
The most important point I stressed was that middle- age singles need to get involved in activities and make new friends. AARP is a good place to do that. It's a nonprofit organization with 35 million members.
Any person 50 or older can join for an amazingly low $12.50 per year.
Next year's AARP convention is in Chicago, Sept. 5-7.
Dr. Ruth, Ray Charles, Louis Gossett Jr. and Dr. Bob Arnot are already booked. For information, call (800) 883-2784 or access the Internet at
www.aarp.org/events.html
If people plan, they'll get some travel bargains, and they can tie in attending the convention with some sightseeing around the Midwest.
Singles over 50 should join AARP. Not only will they make new friends and enjoy AARP-sponsored trips and adventures, but who knows, perhaps they'll meet the person of their dreams when they least expect it?
Reader comments and Tom's responses
Sandra, Tustin: "Men who say it's a great idea for women to pay aren't always comfortable when it happens." Response: Trust me. When a woman occasionally offers to pay, most men appreciate it.
Char, Barrett: "Why would a woman go on a date and pay her own way when she could go out with a girlfriend, pay her own way and have more fun?"
Response: Why would she go out with a guy in the first place if she didn't enjoy being with him?
Mary, San Clemente:
"Women of my generation expect the man to pay. However, today's mores dictate otherwise." Response: Women's roles have changed, thank heaven, and that ncludes in the dating arena as well.
Tom Blake wrote "Middle Aged and Dating Again" (available at bn.com). To comment, write Tom at P.O. Box 442, Dana Point, CA 92629 or e-mail him at
TPBlake@aol.com. Web site: www.findingloveafter50.com
| 