Today, seven widowers provide hope for people suffering from the lost of a relationship by sharing their stories of how they struggled to reenter single life.

"The Orange County Register did a story on my wife of 19 years who died of breast cancer in May, 2000, said Bob, of Cypress. "There was a picture of me in the paper holding my wife's photo. At the time, I would have told you I was never going to date again."

Twelve months later, Bob had a date with one of his wife's friends. "It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I felt like I was cheating on my wife from the start. But I soon got the hang of dating again and am Internet dating. I'm having fun and learning a lot about the opposite sex. I also learned that life will go on given enough time."

Roger, Huntington Beach, unexpectedly became a widower in November, 2002. Last March, he felt he needed to relate to single people his age. For the first time in 33 years, Roger started using Match.com.

"In July, I met a wonderful lady. We've had a steady relationship since and on New Year's Day, celebrated our six-month anniversary," said Roger. "Falling in love at my age while keeping a perspective on my loss has made me happier than I've been in a long, long time."

After 14 years of marriage, Paul, San Clemente, became a widower in April, 2001, at age 37. Paul has focused on staying close with his son, a student at Orange Coast College."

Paul said, "In the year since venturing into the terrifying world of seeking true partnerships, I've had a couple of blind dates and lots of mental musings on the who-what-how and why. There are many aspects to my journey from true love, to despair, to time-to-get-moving again."

In 1998, Bob, Garden Grove, lost his wife of 39 years. "My first year was mostly operating on remote control," said Bob. He joined a grief-support group at his church. "I'm still going, not for the grief support, but to be with friends I've made. I've spent as much time as possible being with people."

Bob said: "Many times children and friends want us to 'get over it' and 'move on.' They wonder why we 'aren't dating yet.' They just don't understand. This is a personal thing, each of us moves on at our own pace and it's OK. Our support group leader said widowed people speak a different language than the 'outside' world. It's true."

One Orange County man asked to be anonymous. "I'm a gratefully healthy

72-year-old widower of two years after a 41-year-marriage. I don't wish to be celibate but I also don't wish to become involved in a permanent relationship. I had a wonderful relationship so I've done that: I was a care-giver so I've done that. I don't wish to repeat either nor am I selfish enough to seek anyone to be a care-giver for me. I have an unsought but not unexpected independence."

David Southworth, Clare, Mich., lost his wife February 23, 2002. "She was a prolific poet and writer of children's stories. I had never written poetry, but 30 days after Fran died, I started writing poetry.

"OH boy this is still quite difficult for me to write, even 23 months after my Franny died. She changed me and my life forever. It isn't simply a case of holding on too long, it's simply who I am today. This is my living history."

David's poem, "The Sands of Time," is posted my my Website:
http://www.findingloveafter50.com/Poem_Southworth.html

Rodney, a 61-year-old retired fireman from San Clemente, shared his path to recovery after losing his wife of 27 years in 1997.

Rodney told his veterinarian he'd like to meet someone and the good doctor
introduced him to one of his clients. Now, instead of two dogs in his life,
he's got four dogs and a girlfriend.

Hats off to these seven men for sharing their journeys, and
for providing hope to all singles.

Reader Comments

George, Dana Point, "Regarding your column on the movie, "Something's Gotta Give," in
real life, Jack (Nicholson) still chases young stuff."

Dr. M.P. Wylie, "I'm teaching a 'Journey to
Love' class starting January 22 in Irvine. Info
on my website: www.JourneyToLove.com.
Telephone: 949 509-6552.

Adrian Windsor, San Clemente: "The Inside Edge
is a great place for people with similar
intellectual interest and system of values to connect.
We have had many marriages and long-term relationships.
Website: www.insideedge.org for info.

Pat, Tustin, "For info. about the "New Life" club,
a widowers and widows club, contact Marietta Hopkins
at HopkinsD@aol.com