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Finding love after 50. The
website for middle aged singles and senior singles, providing
information and dating advice for middle age dating and senior dating.
This column's topic: Living with an angry person is like tap dancing
on Jello. Anger and love don't mix, at least not for long. Something's
got to give.
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Tap Dancing on Jello--Dating an Angry Person
Elton John recorded an album with
the Melbourne (Australia) Symphony
Orchestra. One of the songs is called
"Tonight," not the "Tonight" from
West Side Story, but a little-known
song with a powerful message, particularly
if you're in a relationship with an
angry person.
It's a hauntingly beautiful piece
of music, featuring Elton's electric
piano, backed by the full orchestra.
Very simply, the song begins with
a question: "Tonight, do we have
to fight again?"
The song continues by hinting that
the couple fights often and the singer
would just like to drift off to sleep without
another incident. The song ends with
Elton singing he'd prefer to see
a smile from her instead.
I often listened to that song
when I was in a relationship with an
angry person. It was a song of hope
that things would change and the anger
would subside. But it never did. I finally
had the guts to get out.
Reader Barbara, referring to a male
friend of hers, said, "He's vitriolic when speaking
of his ex's, and blasphemes them." When she
recommended he let go of his anger, he
said, "But I like my anger."
Barbara added that men and women with
sharp tongues live in denial--they blame
and inflict their wrath on others, denying
the problem is theirs.
People who live with an angry person
should realize that the person's anger may
have nothing to do with them. Often
it's a defense mechanism-a person thinks
by getting angry, the anger will give that
person power over a situation
where he or she feels inadequate.
Reader Bonnie (city withheld by
request) says she finally came to the
realization of what an angry person
her husband of 30 years had been.
She feels she was his verbal
whipping-post for all that was wrong
in his life. Bonnie said he left her
because life wasn't giving him what
he wanted.
After the separation, he blamed her
when their adult children told him how
negative they felt about him, and he accused her
of trying to turn the kids against him. Then, he
became angry with her because he got a
DUI (She must have stood over him and just
poured that booze down his throat).
"I feel ever so free! I am enjoying
going home at night knowing I don't have
to tap dance on Jello to avoid another
angry scene. Something good came out
of bad," says Bonnie.
Living with an angry person is stressful.
I thought of it as walking on egg shells. When
we're stressed, we don't get enough sleep,
and it's hard on our health in other ways.
And then there's always the worry
that the anger could escalate into violence.
Being around an angry person is just no way
to live. I had to call 911 in my own home
because I thought the woman I was living with
was going to harm me.
Either the angry person must admit that
they need help and get it, or the person on the
receiving end must a find a way out, which
is often difficult.
Life is too short to tolerate anger.
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