Dating Red Flags: Playing it cool Revisited
Three weeks ago, I wrote about a 50-year-old
single woman who met a man on Love@aol.com.
She liked the guy. A girlfriend
suggested she play it cool
with him. I told her not to.
So what happened? She opted not to play
it cool, and decided to spend time with
her new male friend.
After two dates, she realized that he
wasn't for her. She wrote:
"He is quite religious, but he
cheats really badly on his taxes,
and makes no bones about it."
There were other red flags that
turned her off. "He talks about
sexual stuff from the Bible. Also,
he mentioned three or four times about finding
a rich woman to live with. He told me
that in his past he has been 'kept'
by a woman. I understand that
various things happen in life
that you may not be proud of, but
it felt funny."
She said he came across
as sweet and considerate, but,
"There is something weird about
And then, a couple of days
later, her tone changed:
"I was surprised he was such a
scum bag. He has a very nice
house. Treats his dog well, but
lets her poop on my pool deck, and left it
for me to clean (German Sheppard
so it took a snow shovel)."
And the last straw: "At about
11:30 p.m., he opened a 3rd bottle
of wine at my house, a decent
bottle of my cabernet, without asking if it was okay.
I only had two glasses all night,
and I didn't finish the second, so he
can really sock it away. If you're going
to drink three bottles of wine,
practically by yourself, stick with
the stuff in the box (and bring your
own box to boot)."
Not to mention the danger of
driving after consuming that much.
The guy ended the relationship
with a flurry by e-mailing
: "I want to thank you (for)
the enjoyable times we shared. I have
decided to narrow my dating choices
in order to see what may develop
with one of two very nice gals I've
met. I wish
you all the best."
She summed up her experience:
"The longer you know someone
only by e-mail, or telephone, the
longer you are dealing with
your fantasies, hopes and
possibly his BS. If I had played it cool,
it would have taken forever to figure
Dating tips and lesson learned: Don't "play it
cool." You delay finding
out the truth about somebody.
Also, regardless of where you meet
a stranger-Internet, personal ad.,
on the street-be leery and inquisitive,
you never know what that person
might be covering up.
If someone seems too good to
be true, they probably are. Heed
your instincts. And for you
Midwesterners, don't discard
your snow shovels.