Older men dating younger women. Now, that's a controversial dating
topic. Author and columnist Tom Blake writes dating
information and advice for widowers, widows, divorced men, divorced
women, middle-aged singles boomer singles and senior singles who are
dating again and hope to meet a mate.
Finding Love After 50 by Tom Blake
Older Men dating Younger Women
Widows and divorced women often ask my opinion
about older men dating younger women. Writing
about that topic is about as smart as bungee
jumping from a 747-it's so controversial.
I only write about it once a century. Here's this
Why do older men try to do it? It's as simple
as wanting to be with an attractive women.
It bolsters older guys' egos. They think it
makes them feel younger, but for the most part
they are just deceiving themselves. There are
exceptions, of course.
There may be others reasons-older men feel younger
women have more energy, spontaneity, less
dating baggae and are less serious--but the looks
thing is the main reason. I feel guys who pursue
younger women (10 years or more) are walking
on a high wire, and face many potential negatives.
Biggest negative, guys get used. Younger women
tolerate older men for reasons other than
love. Like money, assets, power, and security.
You don't see many younger women with poor
or powerless older men. If a guy loses his fortune,
or his health, chances are, she'll be gone in
Okay, maybe the guy's not being used. Perhaps she
loves him because he's more patient, laid
back, mature, gentle, and understanding
than men her own age. Still, I'll bet she considered his
bucks at some point early on.
Another potential negative: a difference in energy levels.
At 10 p.m., he's reading in bed. She wants to
be out dancing. If he doesn't keep up with her, she might
lose interest, and seek someone younger, like the
chick in The Eagles' song, "Lyin' Eyes."
Lifestyles can be a problem. Children, for example.
He's already raised children, and hers are still young.
Does he want to be a dad again and do all of the
dad things required-shuttling kids around, attending
Little League games, and funding the cost of
raising children? What if she wants to have more?
Will he be the only 70-year-old dad at his child's high
school graduation, assuming he lives that long?
Another potential problem: lack of similar interests.
He wants to see the Simon and Garfunkel concert; she wants
to see Sting. She's never seen the movie, "The Graduate."
To her, the Crew Cuts were haircuts, to him,
they were the guys who sang "Sh-Boom." I prefer a woman who
shares the songs, dances and historical events I experienced.
Once the chemistry wears off, interests tend
to grow apart. The older guy looks toward retirement,
relaxing, and slowing down, and she's starting a business
that requires 60 hours a week. He wants a golf cart as a
second car, she wants a BMW convertible.
Another negative: missed opportunity. There are
many mature, wise, secure, appreciative women in
their 50s and beyond who would make
exceptional mates, and would stand by an older guy
through the inevitable hard times that accompany
Often, these women are better lovers. While
pursuing younger women, guys miss out on
meeting someone much better suited for them.
Huge negative: The question is most likely
not if he gets sick before she, but when? If he loves
her so much, does he want to burden her with
having to care for him?
I admit, there are exceptions--couples with an age
gap can have wonderful relationships--it's how
closely they think together that matters.
But overall, I think guys who date women closer in
age fair better, and have less to worry about.