Tom Blake Column for November 19, 2009

The 14 G’s of dating while growing older

This week I was interviewed on a local TV station. The interviewer asked me for a few tips to improve dating--and living--for people in their 60s, 70s and 80s. Later, I thought about her question and wrote down what I feel are the 14 G’s of dating while growing older.

1. Get off couch and out of the house. This advice is always the first I mention. It’s so simple and yet so important

2. Get involved in external activities you enjoy where you will meet new people. Unsure of where to go? Check out www.MeetUp.com for a list of clubs and activities in your area. Today, I received an email from MeetUp.com saying there are 2,463 Meetups in South County alone. Granted, some are for the younger set; simply weed out those choices

3. Get organized. Don’t wait to plan the upcoming holidays. If you have nowhere to go for Thanksgiving, consider volunteering to serve meals. Do something that makes you feel good and nothing is better than helping others. Start making plans for the December holidays and New Year’s as well. Invite others who have nothing planned to your home for a small potluck dinner party. Start rounding up your single friends now

4. Go alone to these activities if you have to, if you can’t find a friend or group of friends. Granted, this isn’t the easiest thing in the world to do, but it still beats sitting home alone wishing you were somewhere else

5. Go out to enrich your life, not with the sole purpose of seeking to find a mate. If the only reason you go out is to find someone, you will become discouraged and frustrated because meeting someone may not happen right away. It might not happen at all. But if you go out to broaden your horizons and enjoy new experiences, just getting out is a great accomplishment

6. Get it in gear. Meeting new people and finding a mate at this stage in our lives requires energy and making a concerted effort. It’s like finding a job in the current economy. To do so is difficult. The people who are successful work the hardest at networking and putting themselves out there. The same goes for meeting a mate, make the process as important as you would if you were seeking a job

7. Get assertive. Note, I am not saying aggressive, but assertive, there is a big difference. Start conversations with strangers--on a plane, standing in line at the post office or at the bank, waiting for your car to be washed, in line at Starbucks-anywhere there are people waiting and biding time. If you see someone who looks kind, warm or friendly, don’t hesitate to make a simple comment or ask him (or her) a question--how he likes the book he’s reading or the car he’s driving

8. Gain flexibility. Open your mind to new avenues, new cultures, and new thinking

9. Gain efficiency. Don’t waste time by playing games. Either people are interested in a relationship or they aren’t. If you meet someone who you think might be a potential partner, and the excuses start flowing, or the games begin, move on

10. Gain self respect. Improve your appearance; add exercise to your daily regimen. Screen what you eat. Take care of yourself. You will have more positive energy, which will make you a more desirable person. Remember to present a positive attitude. A smile is the ticket to making yourself approachable and likeable, both necessary when you are seeking a new mate

11. Grieve first. If you’ve recently lost a spouse or partner, grieve and heal before seeking a new mate. But that doesn’t mean you don’t go out to enrich your life and be involved with new people. If you are a recently widowed person, I recommend this website: http://www.laurieannweis.com/

12. Gain knowledge and insight through learning and enjoying new experiences. Go back to school. Take an acting class. Travel. A local group travel website I recommend: www.margestours.com

13. Go gray. Remind yourself that being single later in life isn’t so bad, in fact it’s pretty darned good. It gives you the freedom to do and pursue whatever you want

14. Give yourself credit and a pat on the back from time to time. After all, you’ve made it this far in life. And, there’s a lot of life ahead to live.

To comment: TPBlake@aol.com

For dating information: www.FindingLoveAfter50.com